Harry Potter & The Goblet Of Fire

Eh? I've seen a couple of these Harry Potter films now and I'm hard-pressed to make out the difference between them. Is it the same story but the bad-guy changes in each one ...? like the James Bond movies. Well, it seems that way to me.
Glad I don't pay for these movies. Yay for the internet.
By the way, Harry wins, his friends are okay and they win the football too. Hey JK ! if you're running out of ideas, why don't you give me a shout? I'm thinking Harry Potter and the Critic of Doom. Plenty of sex and violence to see it through. I'm seeing Seagal as the new Harry. Call me babe!

The Cave

Omg - what bollox! a bunch of girls go caving on their own.
That's right - they went without their boyfriends! Now, what's the chance of that happening?
Anyway, most of 'em get killed except for the plain one, ... by evil Gollums that live in the cave.

Memoirs Of A Geisha

OH MY GOD !
These chicks are really trainee prostitutes and you pay a pretty penny to pick their cherry. Not to mention all the bitching that goes on in these places. Who would've thought, eh?

Exorcism Of Emily Rose

Some chick gets possessed by the devil and makes a movie. Hmmm, where have I seen this before?
And why does the devil never take over the bodies of real nasty people, seems to me like it would be the path of least resistance.

Underworld

Some hokum about Vampires and Werewolves who've been fueding for centuries and they can't remember what for. Until a sexy female vampire discovers the reason. Oh, and a hybrid vamp-wolve appears at the end of the movie, bit like Jesus bringing the Jews and Muslims together or something.
Wha - don't like my theory? watcha gonna do? blow up my plane/country.

Jarhead

Wha?! I've loved this guy in Donnie Darko but nothing since then has come close.
Okay, we all know about the horrors of war from other movies, but this one seems to be about the interminable boredom of war, until the fighting kicks off and then it's the fighter planes that do all the work, not the man on the ground. Boo-Hoo !
Well, it proves the point that the only war worth getting involved in nowadays is a guerilla war. Think ...
America vs Afghanistan.
America vs Iraq.
Israel vs Lebanon.
Portugal vs England in the World Cup.
Okay, the last one was a cheap shot, but seriously, after Rooney stepped on the marbles of the Portugeuese guy, I was thinking of calling the UN to intervene. That's a war crime, for sure. Good thing he wasn't Jewish or it would have been anti-Semitic as well and that's worse.
Oh shit - I think I've been living in England too long ...